I am lost for words on how I exactly feel during this pregnancy… I feel overwhelmed, excited, scared, anxiety of how I am going to care for three very small children properly. I find myself frustrated and taking deep breathes already during the long days where Andy works long days and then has to go something again at night to make our ends meet.
Andy has done some serious picking up the slack lately when it comes to meal planning…. I have gotten to a great rhythm of cleaning the house and with the weather averaging at 105 per day the only exercise I am going to get is inside..
I heard back from the doctor that I have to go in for three hour gestational diabetes test… I already had gestational diabetes with my first and I know what to expect and its disappointing. I already feel horrible about where I am with my weight gain… I have gained 24 pounds and I am 30 weeks… I got pregnant this time with forty pounds left from the other two pregnancies…. I just feel rounder and big overall… I cannot love my belly anymore though… Stretch marks be damned. I love that my body has the power to create life, I love that I know the end product of this big stretched out belly that has a life that has no problem kicking me after a helping of carbs..
My soul loves being pregnant. My body though seems to fall apart… I also have had gestational choleostasis during both of my pregnancies making me a very high risk..
Gestational choleostasis is a condition in when your gallbladder can process bile acids like it normally would and basically the bile acids spill out into your blood stream making you INSANELY itchy. I end up having 2-3 appointments a week to make sure the baby is doing well.. The big scare of this condition is the risk of still birth so normally I deliver anywhere from 35-37 weeks.
So with a three year old and a 16 month old I am scared and worried about my health with this little guy.. I can’t really be sick there is no one that can pick up the slack for me this time… Its all on me and thats scary.
Do I know I can do it. Hell yes because Moms do everything in their power to take care of their little ones… I just get a little overwhelmed in the process.
findingmyfootinginlife 